Bitter Regrets, Sweet Memories
by Benji The Vampire Confuser
Summary: Toreador Alexander Smythe looks back on his life, and relations as he prepares for a concert in DC.


**Bitter Regrets, Sweet Memories**

**By Benji The Vampire Confuser**

_Vampire The Masquerade is a trademark of White Wolf Games._

* * *

**Washington DC **

**2000**

Alexander ran his fingers over the keys of the piano before him, placing each note in his mind. He mentally thanked his sire for the hundredth time it seemed, that she had made him practice with his eyes closed, in preparation for the day when his eyes would no longer be an asset.

He took off the sunglasses he usually wore, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. It had been too long since he'd played before an audience. Too long away from his true calling. He was a musician. Not a warrior. Unfortunately as a Vampire, he rarely had the luxury of being what he wanted.

In recent events for instance, he'd faced two almost consecutive conspiracies, one which he was still embroiled in. And he'd been put into torpor three times. The most recent being just the previous night.

He felt a stirring in his UN-beating heart when he thought of the woman who had brought him out of his comatose state the second two times. A stirring that he knew was not completely natural. He was Blood Bound to her, that he knew. He didn't mind however. A Blood Bond only strengthened what he already felt.

He smiled bitterly when he thought of all she had gone through. Drawn against her will into a conspiracy to destroy the masquerade, been the target of countless assassination attempts, and now had even had her haven invaded. The place where she was supposed to be safe, had become as vulnerable as a dark alley.

He shook his head, wishing that there was something he could do. Something more than he'd already done that is.

He could see her so clearly in his mind, though he'd only seen her once. But it had only taken that one time to burn her image into his memory.

**England **

**1910**

"Alexander," Diana said, beckoning to the boy. "Alexander come here, I want you to meet someone."

Eleven year old Alexander opened his eyes, and rose from the piano, answering his guardian's summons. He'd been living in England for the past year, learning musical composition, and performance from both Diana herself, and the finest teachers that England had to offer.

"Yes Miss Diana?" he asked, with just a hint of an accent. He'd started to pick up an English accent recently, much to his teachers' delight.

"Alexander," Diana introduced. "This is an old friend of mine, Guenevere." Alexander turned to face their visitor, and immediately fell in love, as boys of his age often do.

She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her hair was raven black, and she walked with an easy grace and carried herself like a princess.

"I'm very pleased to meet you." Alexander said, remembering his manners. He bowed to her and kissed her hand, trying to act as grown-up as he could.

"Likewise Alexander." Guenevere smiled. "I've heard quite a bit about you."

"Guenevere is an actress of some repute." Diana told him, breaking the silence that followed.

"I knew it." The boy said, mostly to himself. When the visitor looked at him quizzically, he continued. "By the way you walk, I could tell you…" he trailed off, blushing.

Guinevere laughed inwardly, then, to relieve his embarrassment said; "I understand you have quite a bit of talent yourself."

"Would you like to hear me play?" the boy asked, forgetting himself in his eagerness to show her his worthiness.

Guenevere smiled at him, delighting in the innocence of his youth. "Yes I'd like that very much."

Alexander smiled, and forced himself not to run, as he went back to his instrument. He pretended he was in a huge concert hall, with all the Crowned Heads of Europe in the audience, and carried himself accordingly. He sat at the piano, and automatically closed his eyes, without realizing that he was doing so. He'd practiced this way so often, that he doubted he would be able to play with his eyes open.

Guenevere felt her mood darken slightly at the reminder of the boy's unfortunate future. Diana had told him that due to a rare eye condition, he would be completely blind by the time he was twenty five.

"What a world he'll be denied." She thought. "Especially as a Toreador", for she knew what Diana had planned for the boy. "He'll never be able to appreciate all the beauty life has to offer."

But when he began to play, she closed her eyes and drank in the music. And she realized that even without eyes, the boy would be able to appreciate beauty none-the-less. And then she ceased to think, as the beauty of the music he played took her away.

**Washington DC **

**2000**

Just as Alexander was about to don his sunglasses once more, someone came up behind him, and slapped their hands over his unseeing eyes.

"Guess who?"

He didn't have to guess. Even if he hadn't recognized her voice, only one person knew that joke.

"Diana!" he said happily. "I was hoping you would be able to come." He turned, knowing that she was still behind him, not having heard her move.

He reached out his hand, and felt her take it in both of hers. "How have you been?" he asked. "How are things in Maine?"

"Boring." Diana said simply. "It seems like there are no more artists of any kind there."

"Perhaps you're just not looking hard enough." The blind Vampire countered. "Remember how hard _I _was to find?"

Diana smiled, then knowing that he could not see the gesture, squeezed his hand affectionately. She sat down beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You unfortunately had had quite an eventful time in Guenevere's city, I understand." She felt that he was quite tense, and began to massage the knots away. She was quite familiar with how he got before a performance. All his nervousness and tension went strait to his shoulders. And if she allowed it to remain, she knew he would not play well. He had to be relaxed.

Alexander sighed. "Yes it's been one big fun fest."

Diana looked at him strangely. "I've never heard you use that expression before." She said. "You used to speak much more formally than that. What has that hick town done to you?"

"It's not the town." He told her. "I've been a vessel for the wraith of a Malkavian from time to time. It seems that some of his influence has rubbed off on me."

"Good heavens!" Diana laughed. "That must have been an experience."

"For the both of us I imagine. It took quite a while for him to become accustomed to being blind."

He then proceeded to tell his sire all that had happened to Guenevere and himself since he'd arrived in the town of Winchester, several months before.

Diana gasped in horror when she heard of the destruction of Guenevere's treasures, and when he related the events of the previous night…

"It was like I was back on the ship." He said. "I could hear everyone screaming for help. I could hear the ship sinking. And for a moment, I could see it. I could feel the shudder of the impact, the listing of the vessel as it sank into the water…

**Middle of the North Atlantic Ocean**

**1912**

Somehow, in the panic and confusion, thirteen year old Alexander had been separated from Diana's assistant, Maria, whose duty it had been to see him safely back to the United States.

"Women and children only!" the ship's officer shouted over the din. "Please remain calm!"

Alexander tried to shove his way to the boat, but the crowd was too thick, and too panicked to let him through. "Here!" he cried, trying to get the attention of someone, anyone, who would help him. "I'm a child! Here let me through!"

But no one heard him. They were too busy trying to get themselves to safety.

He finally gave up on that boat, and tried to find another. He stumbled on something, and cursed his eyes. Though he was only thirteen, his sight had already begun to fail him. He tried to find Maria, but every face became a blur. It was as if he could see his blindness coming. Stalking him. Mocking him.

As he searched, he felt the ship tilt more and more, and heard people scream as they jumped overboard, or simply panicked. But above it all, he could hear the unmistakable sounds of music. Nearer my God to Thee.

He headed for the source of the music, not sure if he was seeking out order, or just to die with musicians. But then the music stopped. And he felt something that sent shivers of terror down his spine. His feet were wet. The icy cold water crept quickly up his legs as he tried to flee back the way he had come. But the ocean would not be denied, and he slipped.

The cold enclosed him on all sides, like a blanket of pain. He screamed, taking in a lung-full of the frigid water. He couldn't swim, and he thrashed about desperately, thanking God for his life vest. Finally he grabbed a piece of wood, and managed to pull himself coughing and sputtering above the surface. Around him, he heard the screams of the dying. He was so cold he didn't fully register the death of Titanic, as it broke in half, then sank into the sea. Though the sight would visit him for years to come in his dreams. He could feel himself drift away, and knew that death was coming for him, though he fought it with all his strength. He didn't have much strength left. His hands were frozen to the piece of wood that was helping him keep afloat.

That's when he realized that it wasn't wood he was holding. He had found Maria. She stared at him with dead eyes, as if to say "Here I am. Come join me."

It was his terror filled scream that alerted the boat that had returned, to his presence. Soon he found himself hauled from the water, wrapped in a blanket, and rescued.

**Washington DC **

**2000**

Diana cradled Alexander's head against her chest, and kissed his hair. "I was so afraid I'd lost you." She said. "When I heard what had happened. I think I was even more frantic than your parents. You weren't even mine yet, and I still thought of you as a son."

Secretly, she'd never forgiven herself for sending him on that ship. He'd told her that he felt intimidated by the big ship, and was even a bit afraid, having read a book that practically foretold the ship's demise. But she'd convinced him that the prestige of being on the most famous ship in history, would be invaluable.

"How is Guinevere taking all of this?"

"Not well." He said. "Not well at all." He thought sadly of how callous and bitter his old friend had become. Such a change from the sweet, joyful person he'd known so well.

**Boston, Massachusetts**

**1930**

Alexander shook hands with yet another new acquaintance. It was his first Toreador Gala, having only recently been introduced to, and welcomed by the Prince of Boston.

Diana was so proud, he could hear it. She had a right to be, he supposed. After all, it was her who discovered him, taught him, raised him for all intents and purposes. She had helped him become accustomed to his disability, and Embraced him. She'd taught him what it meant to be Kindred, nursed him through his initial shock and grief. She'd comforted him when he missed the warmth of the sun, and company of his parents.

She was now his mother, in the only sense of the word that meant anything to Alexander.

But being introduced to people could be so tedious. Still, his upbringing in England had prepared him well. He was gracious and polite. While inwardly he was wishing he was sitting at a piano.

"Well, well well." A shockingly familiar voice said happily. "You've become quite a handsome young man!"

Had he still the ability, he would have blushed, and felt as if he were a child once more. He knew that voice. Though he hadn't heard it in years, and only for one night, he knew it. He would have recognized it if it had been centuries.

"Guenevere." He said, bowing. "This is a most pleasant surprise."

Guenevere looked at his face sadly, as he kissed her hand. Though the dark glasses he wore matched his outfit, and suited him, they were a testament to what he lacked. She was pleased that he recognized her voice.

"I was hoping we would meet again." He said. "I've progressed quite a bit since the last time we…saw each other…I've been wanting to play for you again."

He'd heard, but not registered when Diana had discreetly walked away, leaving the two alone.

"I'd like that." She said. "In fact, I'd guess it's about time you showed all of these people just how talented you are." She whispered in his ear; "They don't think a blind man can play the piano."

"Oh they don't do they?" he bristled. Then he grinned. "Well then, I agree. I must correct them." Guenevere brought him to the piano, and helped him find the bench. When he was seated, she stood back, and watched as he became aquatinted with the keyboard.

Soon he began to play. It wasn't anything she recognized, and quickly she realized that he was playing his own composition. All conversation in the room ceased, as everyone present was drawn into the beauty of the music.

When the last note faded, there was a brief pause, as the audience recovered. Then the applause was thunderous. It was the first applause that Alexander had ever heard, in regards to him. And it was wonderful.

"This boy has inspired me." Said the band-leader. "And that," he said, laying a hand on Alexander's shoulder. "Is a great and rare gift. Thank you."

With that, the band struck a waltz.

"May I have this dance?" Alexander asked Guenevere, proffering his arm.

"But of course." She said, leading him onto the dance floor.

The moment was beautiful, Alexander thought. It was perfect. But it was all too short, and was never to come again.

He heard the doors burst open, and the room fell suddenly silent.

"I cleanse this place in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit!"

"Hunters." Guenevere growled. "Come Alexander, we have to get out-"

She was cut off as the Hunters filled the room. He heard his dancing partner cry out as she was struck.

He moved to help, but before he could, he felt the tip of a stake press against his chest.

"May flocks of devils sing you to your damnation." The hunter said.

"Get away from him!" Guenevere cried, and smashed a chair down on his head. She grabbed Alexander's arm, and pulled him with the others to an escape route.

But something else hit her before they got there. An arrow, shot by the lead hunter, lodged in her back, just beside her heart. Another struck Alexander in his leg.

Both fell together, but Alexander was still conscious. He tried to lift Guenevere's prone body, but failed.

He heard someone approach, and he held still, listening, waiting. He could hear that the others had escaped, or were not going to. He'd heard the other hunters leave, and knew that this one was the last.

He rose to his feet, and, limping, stood between the hunter and Guenevere.

"Isn't that interesting." The hunter said. "A blind Vampire." Then he sucked in his breath. "You dare profane the lord by wearing his symbol?"

Alexander smiled, he'd forgotten about the cross around his neck. He took off his glasses, and looked directly, and intently at the Hunter with his sightless, dark blue eyes. He used his acute hearing to pinpoint the man's exact location. "What makes you think I'm blind?"

He stared at the man intently, knowing the man was out of range, and besides, Alexander was not a fighter. So he just stared. And used his newfound vampiric powers to his advantage.

The hunter stumbled back suddenly quite fearful. Then he turned and ran.

Alexander took advantage of his flight, and managed to drag his new friend to safety. He swore when he realized that both their outfits were suffering from this ordeal.

After that night, Alexander and Guenevere spent quite a bit of time together, often hunting as a pair. As their bond grew, Alexander's feelings for her changed.

He'd been an only child when he was mortal. But now, as a Kindred, he had a sister.

**Washington DC**

**2000**

When the curtain rose, Alexander ran his fingers over the keys once, then began to play. He played a song he'd just written. A song of friendship, of eternal bonds, of love. He played from the heart. He played for his absent friend, hoping that somehow, miles away, she heard his song. And smiled.

The End?


End file.
